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bandomstuffsitTitle: Fallout Or Fall In (love)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
oanja
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Rating: R
Warnings: off-screen (minor) character death
Word count: 15,577
Summary: Brendon never thought he'd have to live through a nuclear war.
When the world came to an end Panic! was touring in Australia. The first bombs were launched while they slept in their hotel rooms in Hobart, Tasmania. It would have been a serious understatement to say there was chaos when they woke up and found out that the world had gone mad and almost all the countries with nuclear weapons had used theirs. Dozens of them had been launched from different parts of the world and nobody seemed to be quite sure why.
All of this felt very surreal for Brendon as he sat in his hotel room, glued to the tv, which never seemed to be able to keep hold of the American channels. The Australian newscasts showed maps of the world indicating where the worst damage had been done. Russia, Europe, India, Pakistan, China, The United States had taken the most hits. Millions dead, total chaos everywhere. Scientists were talking about nuclear fallout, nuclear winter; things Brendon couldn't even have imagined happening were now reality.
Even as all of this was happening, Brendon couldn't really concentrate on it. Not when he couldn't reach Sarah. He had been calling and calling but he couldn't get through. Nobody had been able to call home. Brendon knew he shouldn't think it meant something bad, not yet, but there hadn't been any e-mails either and he couldn't think straight. All he could see was the map of the West Coast of the US they had shown earlier on the news, dotted with impact circles, fading from blood red, to orange and then yellow the farther away from the epicentre of the blast. The LA area was under the dark red.
There was a knock on the door and Brendon dragged himself to the door, letting Spencer in and going back to his vigil in front of the tv set.
"How are you holding up?" Spencer asked and sat next to him. Brendon thought it was kind of sweet how Spencer was trying, even though he must have been just as worried about his family, about Haley. Even though Spencer and Haley had broken up earlier in the fall, they were still very close. There was no way Spencer was actually as calm as he acting.
"I dunno, feel kind of numb, you know? And my phone is running out of charge and I think I left the charger in the bus, and that's back on the mainland. Fucking ridiculous." He said foot jiggling nervously as he tried to call Sarah again. The same female voice told him the service provider was down for maintenance.
"I'm sure we can find a charger for you." Spencer said, staring at the screen where they were playing an animation of the radiation cloud spreading from the points of impact, carried by the winds and expanding but also diffusing as it covered most of the planet.
"I think she's... she's dead, isn't she?" Brendon asked.
"Maybe not. No point in giving up hope yet." Spencer said, but he sounded tired and unsure.
"What about Vegas, do you think our parents are okay?" He didn't really want to ask, but at the same time he needed Spencer to assure him.
Spencer pursed his lips tightly shut for a moment and Brendon knew his friend was close to breaking at that moment. Still Spencer pulled himself together and shook his head. "They didn't hit Vegas, or anywhere in Nevada. It seems nobody really knows what's going on in the States right now, but I think they must be okay. They must be" Spencer repeated himself, sounding a bit desperate to Brendon's ears.
"I can't believe this is happening." Brendon said and leaned incrementally closer to Spencer. "This feels like a really elaborate prank. I mean nothing happened here, everything seems fine. How do we know anything is wrong anywhere, maybe everything is fine."
Spencer stroked his hair. "I don't think so Brendon. I really wish you were right, but I don't think so." Brendon sat there and thought it was weird that Spencer touched his hair. They didn't really do stuff like that, but then again he has seen Spencer do that with his sisters, so maybe Spencer was projecting that behaviour to Brendon now. And that was fine, he'd do a lot more for Spencer if he needed to.
~*~
They were stuck in Tasmania. No air traffic was allowed because there was a huge ash-cloud spreading in the atmosphere. They said it would block out the sun for years. Brendon couldn't really wrap his head around the idea. It seemed too huge and he still hadn't even accepted the fact that according to reports, most of the United States seemed to be on fire as the fires first caused by the explosions were now spreading from the impact sites to the surrounding areas. Nobody was able to put the fires out, it was too dangerous to go near the fallout sites because of radiation. Not to mention that the fires were only making the atmospheric ash problem worse.
There were reports of mass panic and chaos, people trying to flee the US and into Canada or South America, through Mexico, as there hadn't been any nuclear blasts there. There had been widespread looting and people shooting each other while trying to protect their homes or families or while trying to escape the radiation or the fires. Hospitals were overtaxed by people suffering from radiation sickness or bad burns, smoke inhalation and similar injuries.
On the third day Brendon turned off the tv, he couldn't watch it anymore. Compared to what was happening in the States things seemed pretty calm in Australia. Of course the government had declared a state of emergency and all kinds of new rules had been implemented, from a curfew to rationing of all supplies, especially food. Still it wasn't anything compared to the total chaos reigning over many countries all over the world.
"What's going on?" He asked when he finally tracked down his band and Zack, all huddled up in Zack's room.
"We were trying to come up with a plan." Dallon said from one of the beds where he was sitting, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes were red and his hair was standing up, dirty and unruly. Brendon felt a stab of guilt, he hadn't made any effort to reach out to his friends, hadn't even thought about what they had to be going through.
Spencer patted a spot next to him on the small couch and Brendon sank down on it gratefully. "What have you come up with so far?" He asked, mostly avoiding looking at anyone, in case they all looked as broken as Dallon did.
Zack's voice sounded weird and gravely, as if he hadn't been using it much in days. Brendon didn't want to think about Zack crying. "Not much we can do really. I think we might be able to get back to the mainland if we wanted to, next week probably, once the worst panic calms down. I don't know what good it would do though, we'd still be in Australia."
"We'd have our stuff." Ian said and he sounded pretty much normal, so Brendon dared to look at him. Ian's hair was drooping a bit but otherwise he looked pretty okay, just tired.
"That would be nice, I mean this was only supposed to be a weekend trip, take a break, see some sights, be back on tour on Monday. I'm running out of clean clothes." Spencer said, his voice dry.
Brendon gave into the urge and burrowed close to Spencer. He really needed someone to be there right now. Spencer didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm over Brendon's shoulders, understanding him wordlessly, like nobody else really could. Well Sarah was getting pretty good at it too but if she was dead... He cut that train of thought abruptly before he could finish.
"I think we can still get new clothes for you from some store. I think they are still taking credit cards, although I doubt that will last very long." Zack mused, and Brendon thought about what they would do after credit cards were no longer an option. He was scared.
"Maybe we should go today?" Ian suggested, picking at the fabric of the coverlet on the bed with his fingers.
"It's doable, there's time before the curfew and I think there should still be stuff left. Hopefully." Zack didn't sound very optimistic, but because they didn't really have anything better to do they ventured out on the streets together.
The city seemed like it was holding its breath. There weren't many cars driving around because petrol was the most carefully rationed commodity and already incredibly expensive. Brendon thought he could smell smoke in the air and it reminded him of LA when the smog was at it's worst. The news had said that the ash cloud should reach Australia tomorrow.
They found a small mall not far from the hotel and walked in. There were people shopping and it was almost possible to think nothing was wrong, as long as you didn't look at the worried frowns on people's faces or how they scurried around with purpose instead of the more leisured pace of normal shoppers. They found their way into a clothing store and even though they would normally have scattered around to look at things, now they kept together without Zack having to say anything.
Spencer said he wanted jeans, so they headed for the racks. "I think we should all get a few pairs." Zack said and rubbed the sturdy fabric between his fingers. Brendon didn't want to think about a world that didn't have new pairs of jeans in it anymore, so he swallowed hard and started to look for pairs in his size.
After the jeans they wandered over to shirts and then to underwear and socks. It felt so surreal to think these might be the last mass produced clothes ever to get made. "Do you think we'll regress back to the stone-age?" Brendon asked no one in particular, as he picked up a pair of socks with black and white stripes.
"Not likely. I mean some things will grind to a halt, but not everything. And it won't be for forever. Like they are talking about reopening some coalmines and coal plants to keep electricity going. Stuff like that, now that world trade is pretty much dead and there isn't oil coming from anywhere. So people will come up with alternative solutions." Ian said and grabbed a similar pair of socks.
"What about clothes? I mean most of them were made in China or India or countries like them. I think they have more important things on their minds right now, than making jeans." Brendon persisted.
This time it's Spencer who answered him, "Well at least there's a lot of wool around. Sheep country, remember? So I think we'll be okay. It's not like you'll have an excuse to just start going naked all the time."
Brendon grinned at the joke and Ian snickered, before they all sobered up. It seemed wrong to find something funny at a time like this.
"Let's head out." Zack said and they all hauled their loot to the cashier, who seemed uncertain if she should take their visa-cards or not, but in the end seemed to decide it wasn't her problem and took their plastic.
"I wish I had some actual life skills." Brendon said as he carried his shopping bags out of the shop and began walking back towards the hotel.
Ian frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well like hunting, or fishing, or farming, or something like that. I mean when they stop taking credit cards and all the banks go down and there is no recognized form of currency, how are we supposed to get food, or anything?" Brendon explained his reasoning.
"And where are we going? I doubt we can just keep living in the hotel." Spencer added.
"I'll look into it." Zack promised and to Brendon, he seemed to be doing better now that he had something to do, problems to solve.
Brendon sneaked a look at Dallon and wished he hadn't. Dallon was crying, tears just falling down his cheeks, as though Dallon didn't even realise he was doing it. He seemed to be following them on autopilot, not hearing anything they were talking about.
Seeing his friend so distraught, made it almost impossible for Brendon to ignore his own feelings. He'd worked so hard not to break down, not to even think what had most likely happened to some of the people he loved, and now he was about to break down in tears in the middle of a street in downtown Hobart.
"I want to go home," he whispered. Spencer must have heard him, as he turned to look at Brendon and gave him a sad look, but Spencer didn't say anything. What was there to say after all?
~*~
It took almost a week for the giant ash-cloud to cover up the entire world. It also took about the same time for Zack to find them a place to stay. They ended up renting a house on one of the Hobart suburbs, because Zack said it was best for them to stay near the biggest city, so they would be close enough to get aid if they needed it.
The house had two bedrooms so Brendon shared with Spencer and Ian with Dallon, while Zack made the downstairs dining room his own. Brendon liked being out of the hotel and it was nice to be able to wander inside the house freely, knowing that the others were close by. Because they didn't really have anything to do, they followed the newscast on the disaster. It was incredibly morbid and made Brendon want to cry more than once a night but at the same time none of them could look away. How could anyone just ignore what was going on?
"I think the death-toll is tapering off." Spencer offered one night when they were all sitting around the tv in the smallish living room.
"It had to at some point." Ian said and looked pretty relieved.
Dallon didn't say anything and Brendon was really starting to worry about him. Not that he didn't understand why Dallon was depressed, losing his wife and kids like that... The area where Dallon had lived had been on an area that had taken a direct hit. Brendon couldn't even imagine what that must feel like. Still, they had all lost people and they were all dealing, not well maybe, but at least they were trying, whereas Zack usually had to drag Dallon out of bed every day and he didn't say anything to anyone without prompting.
The news had moved on from listing the death counts by country to following the movements of the fallout clouds. So far the amounts of radioactive fallout had been very light on Australia, New Zealand and southern South America. The meteorologist they interviewed next said he felt optimistic about the situation and said it was possible that Australia would be spared the worst of soil and ground water pollution.
"I wish I had paid more attention during science classes." Brendon admitted as the people on tv went off on a tangent about soil pH values and plant mutation. It all seemed so complicated to him and it wasn't like he was in the best state of mind to absorb new information anyway.
Spencer nudged his side gently with his elbow, "I doubt even the scientists understand everything that's happening, so don't be too hard on yourself."
That night after they had gone to bed, Brendon tried to get comfortable under his light sheet. The house was too hot, as nobody was allowed to use electricity at night and the whole state was blacked out after eleven to save fuel. No electricity meant no air-conditioning and Brendon missed it acutely. "Spencer?" he whispered, in case Spencer had already fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" Spencer asked from his perch above Brendon. The house they gotten had been fully furnished and their room had come with bunk beds decorated with rally cars. Brendon had called dibs on it, but now wondered if the master bedroom might have been a bit cooler, because it had double doors to a small balcony.
"Do you think Dallon is going to be alright?" He asked, wary.
"I hope so, but dude, I think we are all entitled to grieve as long as we need. I think it's normal to be pretty messed up right now." That sounded like Spencer was giving him permission too.
"Okay, I mean I get what you are saying, but what about you? I haven't even seen you cry." Brendon didn't mean to sound accusing, but that's how his words ended up coming out.
Brendon could feel the bed move as Spencer turned on his mattress, and for a long moment he was worried Spencer had gotten angry with him. "I've cried, just not when anyone could see. Besides, there is a good chance that my parents are okay. The mountains between California and Nevada helped keep the fallout away from the inland, and the radiation levels aren't that bad in Vegas. Just because I haven't been able to get in touch with them doesn't mean anything. Almost all cell towers were affected by the EMP pulse that was caused by the blasts and..." Brendon was sure Spencer could go on forever in the same vein, so he took the matters into his own hands and just climbed in to bed with his best friend and hugged Spencer as tightly as he could.
Spencer let out a shaky breath and fell silent. For a while Brendon couldn't hear anything except their breathing, and some sort of crickets that seemed to live in their yard.
"Thanks." Spencer said finally, and returned Brendon's embrace. They were laying close together, foreheads touching, and Brendon could smell Spencer's toothpaste in his breath.
"Sarah is dead." Brendon whispered. Acknowledging the fact out-loud for the first time.
Spencer's body went rigid for a second but then loosened, like Spencer thought Brendon wouldn't be able to notice the reaction if Spencer relaxed his body fast enough.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to freak out more than I am already. I think, even though I've said it now, and I know it must be true logically, I still don't believe it in my heart of hearts. It just doesn't make sense to me. None of this does. Some days I still think this is a dream. And if this is a dream, then nothing I do matters and when I wake up Sarah will be there." Brendon admitted.
"If I could just wake up." Brendon mused and then surprised himself by bursting into laughter. Spencer made an inquisitive sound and Brendon managed to stop laughing so he could explain.
"I feel like I'm Mal, you remember, the movie Inception? Where she didn't believe she was in the real world and she killed herself to wake up."
Spencer tightened his hold on Brendon, so he hurried to add, "Not that I'm going to kill myself, don't worry okay? I wouldn't do that to you guys. I wouldn't leave you to deal with all this shit alone. I promise."
"I don't think that was funny." Spencer grumbled and loosened his hold on Brendon incrementally, burying his head into Brendon's neck.
Brendon stroked Spencer's hair and wished the bed were a bit wider so they could fit better, but didn't move to get back to his own bed. He needed to be close to someone as much as Spencer seemed to need it right now. "Maybe tomorrow night we should make a big puppy pile on that big bed in the master bedroom? You think Ian and Dallon would share it with us?" Brendon asked, only half kidding.
"Weirder things have happened." Spencer answered and then yawned into Brendon's neck, making a shiver run down his back.
~*~
When it rained the first time after 11/16 -that's the name they have seemed to have settled on for the four hours when the world went crazy, the water was sooty and it marred cars, streets, houses, everything it touched. It was also slightly radioactive, so people were advised to stay indoors. Brendon sat in the kitchen and watched as the dirty rain fell, feeling like there was something deep about the fact, something that he kind of wanted to put into lyrics, but he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say.
Someone walked in and sat next to Brendon, who glanced over and saw it was Ian. Ian offered him a small smile and then sighed, the forced expression falling from his face. "How are you doing?" Brendon asked, because he hadn't really had a chance to talk to Ian much, in all of this.
"Shitty. You know what bothers me the most? Not the millions and millions of people who are dead, not all the cities that were levelled. No, what bothers me is that I left all my guitars in the bus and now I'll most likely never see them again. And how shitty is that? I thought I was a better person." Ian said and dragged his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more, if that was even possible.
"Might just be a reaction, you know one of those they are talking about on tv non-stop. Coping mechanism, or something." Brendon offered, even though he felt pretty much the same as Ian about his guitars, now that Ian had mentioned it.
"Maybe." Ian muttered, but didn't sound convinced. "I'm also still waiting for superheroes to appear. I mean in all the comics and movies, radiation is the sure bet when it comes to getting some powers."
Brendon laughed at that a bit, just happy that for once the topic wasn't deathly serious. "I still have dibs on flying." he announced and poked Ian on the shoulder, making the smaller man sway as he tried to avoid the hit.
"Whatever man, I wouldn't want that power anyway." Ian argued back and they spent a nice fifteen minutes just talking about superheroes in general and then about how much the Wolverine movie had sucked. Brendon hadn't felt this normal in eight days and he felt a lot better when Ian wandered off towards the living room, saying he'd try to find some cartoons among all the doom and gloom programming.
Brendon kind of wanted a snack, but he had become very conscious about how much food they had and how much they would get when they went to town to receive their rations, so instead he continued to sit where he was and watch the rain fall.
~*~
Two weeks after 11/16 Brendon was back sitting at the table in the kitchen but this time for a very different reason. They were having a Christmas Eve dinner, even though their rations were mostly canned goods and a few loaves of bread. Not to mention that they had agreed to save the best stuff for tomorrow. So he poked at his tuna casserole a bit sceptically but after tasting it decided it wasn't too bad. It seemed Spencer really could cook.
He had the strongest urge to say, 'this is weird' but didn't, knowing it would ruin the jovial mood, everyone had worked so hard to create today. Even Dallon had made some effort to connect with them and Brendon didn't want to be the one to ruin that. So he ate his food with his friends and then went to sit in the living room and play monopoly. It was an Australian version, so at least all the streets still existed and it wouldn't bring up bad memories for any of them.
Zack almost always won in Monopoly and this time sadly wasn't an exception. After the game was over they moved on to poker and then they watched a movie. Star Wars seemed like a safe choice, as it wasn't even set on Earth and they could all use some escapism right then. Ian had an annoying habit of reciting all the lines out loud, but after he got a few pillows to the face he started to just mouth the words with the actors with no sound coming out. Brendon found watching Ian to be pretty entertaining as well, so he divided his attention between his friend and the tv set.
When they got ready to go to bed Brendon climbed in with Spencer and when he lifted his eyebrow questioningly Brendon just shrugged. He was pretty sure Spencer could guess he just didn't want to sleep alone that night, because the other man didn't try to drive Brendon away.
The night was pretty hot and the bed was way too small for two adults to share but they managed, as they had on many nights already. When he was pretty sure Spencer was asleep he let himself cry for a bit. He was supposed to be home right now, they had talked about it with Sarah and she had been cool about going to stay with Brendon's family. He missed her so much and he wanted his mom. He wanted to hug her and hear her whisper blessings in his hair. He wanted to go home.
~*~
The day before new years Brendon found a dead bird on their lawn. He froze there, unable to make his body move at all and felt sick. It was a small songbird, kind of colourful but Brendon had no idea what it was called. He had never been any good at telling animal species apart, and besides, he was pretty sure the birds were completely different in Australia anyway. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the body, at least he couldn't see anything and of course he thought it might have died because of radiation.
Finally his feet came unstuck from the ground and he went inside to get Zack. When they were once again standing over the small body Brendon had to ask, "Do you think that will happen to us?"
Zack scooped the bird up and into a dustpan before answering, "I don't think so. The radiation levels haven't risen here over the limit that would cause harm to humans. Sometimes birds just die Brendon, don't worry about it."
Brendon kind of wanted to say that maybe the news was lying to them, to avoid causing panic and anarchy. After all, Australia was one of the few countries in the world that still had a functioning government and that hadn't declared marshal law. People actually still went to work and the Australian dollar had suddenly become the world's most stable currency.
"I've never had to think this much about politics in my whole life." Brendon grumbled as he went back inside and found Ian and Spencer in the living room, playing cards.
"Don't break your brain, it's not used to such heavy use." Spencer quipped but didn't even look up from his cards.
Brendon went to sit next to him on the floor, because they were using the low coffee table as the base for their game. "Are you actually playing Go Fish? I don't think a dude playing that game can accuse someone else of not using their brain."
Ian grinned at Brendon and he felt suddenly so very glad that he was with these guys when the world went to hell. He grinned back at Ian and then started doodling on a Joker card, even though Spencer tried to rescue the card from being vandalized. "Dude, people will be able to tell it's the joker because your pen is pushing through the paper."
"What ever, it's fine." Brendon said breezily and continued to draw a big moustache on the Joker's face.
He didn't mention the dead bird.
On New Years Eve they managed to get some booze, even though they couldn't really afford it and proceeded to get drunk. They didn't do a countdown so Brendon realised it was 2012 a half an hour late. He felt pleasantly buzzed and leaned against the railing on their small deck. "The Mayans totally blew their prophecy." He mused out loud to Dallon, who was sitting on an old and rickety lawn chair close by.
"Why'd you say that, there's still plenty of time for the world to end. I think we got it to a pretty good start on 2011." Dallon argued but didn't sound horribly morbid, so Brendon took that as a win.
"Yeah but I think, if the world was going to end, it would have happened when the bombs started to fall. I think we made it. Only way is up from here." Brendon said optimistically.
Dallon snorted into his beer, "Dude, haven't you been listening to the millions of programs about what will happen to the climate? There wont be any sunlight to grow stuff. Millions of people will die of starvation, we might all still die."
"Urgh, party downer. Let's change the subject. Did you know Zack is thinking about getting a real job?"
Dallon tilted his head to the side curiously, "No, I hadn't heard about that. What's he planning to do? Find a new band to herd around?"
Brendon hopped up to sit on the banister and related the conversation they'd had with Zack while Dallon had been moping in his room. "They are looking for people to help build those big new greenhouses, remember the local news? Zack said he's done some construction before and he's sick and tired of doing nothing day after day. Not to mention that we have pretty much no cash left and the credit cards might as well be toys."
"Huh, that actually doesn't sound too bad. I might go too." Dallon said and finished his beer.
Brendon gaped at him, "What, are you serious?"
"Sure. I have to agree with Zack, I don't like sitting around. Too much time to think, to remember stuff." Dallon said, his expression closing off.
"Oh." Brendon let out a breath and watched as Dallon walked back inside. He wanted a cigarette so bad but those were one of the commodities that had gotten very expensive and there was no way he could afford to buy even one.
~*~
So Zack and Dallon got jobs working for the huge construction site, just outside of Hobart. The workers got to decide if they wanted to get paid in cash or in ration coupons. A lot of people opted for the coupons, Zack told them after he and Dallon got back from the first day of work. They all agreed that Dallon would take his pay in coupons and Zack would take his in money, just to make sure they are prepared for anything.
The worst panic mode had passed it seemed, all over the world countries were trying to salvage whatever they could, even if many countries didn't even have capitols or much of their infrastructure left. There was talk of building a new United Nations building, but nobody could seem to agree where it should be placed -after all New York was in ruins, and nobody really had the money to put into such a trivial project anyway.
Most of the world's scientists were working on ways to protect the soil, water and environment as best as possible, because everyone knew what would happen in the near future. There wasn't talk about whether a nuclear winter was going to happen, but instead arguments about how severe it's affects would be and how long it would last.
So the projects of building huge greenhouses to grow food were the top priority worldwide. Places like New Zealand and Iceland might actually have faired the best out of all the countries as they had geothermal power they could use and also, the bombs hadn't directly affect them. Australia wasn't doing so bad either, but there were some concerns about how the green houses would be powered and the government had to keep addressing the situation about people not hoarding food and calming the public that everyone would be taken care off.
Brendon had to admit that he was bored. The power cuts had now been extended so that there was electricity for household use only between six pm and nine pm. So now he couldn't even spend all his days in front of the television, morbidly curious about the next setback, or the still rising death toll.
"I think Dallon and Zack got it right with this job thing. Do you think we should do it too?" He asked Spencer one morning, staring out the window to the deeply grey sky. It seemed it would rain again soon. He hated the grey sooty sludge they called rain these days. He wouldn't even be able to go outside once it started.
"Hmm?" Spencer asked and looked up from a book he'd been reading. Brendon didn't know what it was, because Spencer had taken the covers off the hardback and the remaining text on the cover was too small for him to read.
"Should we go work too? I'm getting stir crazy just sitting around the house all day." Brendon repeated his question; slightly annoyed that Spencer hadn't been paying attention to him the first time around.
Spencer narrowed his eyes, like he was really giving this some thought but then he shook his head, "I think the work crews are all full up, didn't Zack say something like that? And besides, it's manual labour, since when are you into that?"
"Asshole, I can pick up a shovel if need be. Just because I chose a profession for myself where I don't actually have to work..." Brendon couldn't keep a straight face any longer, because Spencer was giving him that amused smile of his, so they just both burst out laughing. It was too rare a sound these days.
"Yeah, we don't really have marketable skills for the post-apocalyptic workplace." Spencer summed it up and went back to his book.
Brendon didn't want Spencer to read though, he wanted his friend to talk to him, pay attention to him, so he kicked the leg of Spencer's chair, startling Spencer and then making him give Brendon the evil eye. "What?"
"Didn't you hear me when I said I'm bored." Brendon said, making his voice sound as whiny as he could, just to annoy Spencer as much as possible.
Spencer rolled his eyes and deliberately went back to his book after saying, "Not now baby, go play with Ian, mom's busy."
Brendon kind of wanted to laugh at that, but instead he kicked the chair leg again. Just to be a jerk.
"Wait until your dad gets home, he'll hear about this." Spencer said, adopting a weird falsetto voice, but still looking incredibly indifferent to Brendon's blight.
Brendon felt almost giddy, the fact that they were doing this, playing, just joking around, and annoying each other. Like things were normal. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed it.
"But Spencer, don't you want to play with me?" He asked, attempting a coy look.
Spencer snorted and looked up, his eyes light and at ease -for the first time in what felt like forever. "Just go bother Ian, I bet he's still in bed, so you can scare the crap out of him by jumping on him while his guard is still down."
"Fine." Brendon huffed and got up, but poked Spencer in the ear with a licked finger on his way out of the room, just to make a point. Then he made a run for it, up the stairs just in case Spencer decided to give chase. But he didn't so Brendon did end up jumping on Ian, who yelped and flailed around for a few amusing seconds, before retaliating by tackling Brendon, resulting in a tousle, where they both mostly flapped around uselessly because they were laughing too hard to care who won.
So that ended up being a good day. Even when Zack and Dallon came home, hauling that weeks rations, --because it was rationing Friday after all, the mood stayed light. Spencer and Zack cooked dinner and after they had eaten Dallon went out to the porch and came back with an acoustic guitar case. Brendon was pretty sure his and Ian's expressions were identical in their childlike wonderment and simultaneous unadulterated lust. Whatever the case may be, it did make the other guys laugh at them, but Brendon didn't care. Dallon had gotten them a guitar.
Dallon explained that he and Zack decided to swap some of their rations for the guitar and that it had been surprisingly cheap. A lot of people didn't seem to think instruments were worth more than food these days. Brendon laughed a bit nervously at the quip but couldn't stop his fingers from caressing the smooth wood of the guitar face. Ian was running his fingers over the fret-boards worship-fully.
In the end they had to play rock-paper-scissors for who got to play it first, but after that they took turns amiably, passing the instrument along after playing a few songs. It was late by the time they got tired of playing and singing and Brendon climbed into his bed still humming happily. Spencer came into the room only moments after Brendon and he watched Spencer strip out of his button down shirt and jeans, getting ready for bed.
Brendon changed the tune he'd been humming to 'Sharp Dressed Man' and Spencer grinned at him, so wide that Brendon could see his teeth gleam, even in the dark room.
"No, don't" Brendon protested quickly when he saw that Spencer was trying to get into his own bed. "Can you sleep with me, please? I always sleep better if you're there." He admitted, because Spencer had frozen in place after his initial words.
Spencer let out a breath, almost a sigh and climbed in to join Brendon. "We might as well just put the mattresses on the floor, at least then we'd have some space."
"Yeah, but then we'd lose the awesomeness that is bunk beds." Brendon said, his tone light, relieved that Spencer didn't make him explain himself, or deny him this. It's just that having Spencer there, right next to him, close enough to feel his body heat, hear his breathing and feel his chest move with each breath helped keep the nightmares at bay, or at least made it much easier to go back to sleep after having one.
Spencer snuggled closer, obviously quite good at making himself comfortable even in the tight space by now, tucking his arm over Brendon's side. It was a ridiculous thought but Brendon couldn't help but to feel safe right then. "Thanks." He mumbled when Spencer had stopped moving, settling to sleep.
"It's not just you who needs this Bren. We're helping each other out, just like always." Spencer said, his voice already sleep-rough and low.
And for once Brendon slept the whole night through without a single nightmare.
Part Two
Author:
oanjaPairing: Brendon/Spencer
Rating: R
Warnings: off-screen (minor) character death
Word count: 15,577
Summary: Brendon never thought he'd have to live through a nuclear war.
When the world came to an end Panic! was touring in Australia. The first bombs were launched while they slept in their hotel rooms in Hobart, Tasmania. It would have been a serious understatement to say there was chaos when they woke up and found out that the world had gone mad and almost all the countries with nuclear weapons had used theirs. Dozens of them had been launched from different parts of the world and nobody seemed to be quite sure why.
All of this felt very surreal for Brendon as he sat in his hotel room, glued to the tv, which never seemed to be able to keep hold of the American channels. The Australian newscasts showed maps of the world indicating where the worst damage had been done. Russia, Europe, India, Pakistan, China, The United States had taken the most hits. Millions dead, total chaos everywhere. Scientists were talking about nuclear fallout, nuclear winter; things Brendon couldn't even have imagined happening were now reality.
Even as all of this was happening, Brendon couldn't really concentrate on it. Not when he couldn't reach Sarah. He had been calling and calling but he couldn't get through. Nobody had been able to call home. Brendon knew he shouldn't think it meant something bad, not yet, but there hadn't been any e-mails either and he couldn't think straight. All he could see was the map of the West Coast of the US they had shown earlier on the news, dotted with impact circles, fading from blood red, to orange and then yellow the farther away from the epicentre of the blast. The LA area was under the dark red.
There was a knock on the door and Brendon dragged himself to the door, letting Spencer in and going back to his vigil in front of the tv set.
"How are you holding up?" Spencer asked and sat next to him. Brendon thought it was kind of sweet how Spencer was trying, even though he must have been just as worried about his family, about Haley. Even though Spencer and Haley had broken up earlier in the fall, they were still very close. There was no way Spencer was actually as calm as he acting.
"I dunno, feel kind of numb, you know? And my phone is running out of charge and I think I left the charger in the bus, and that's back on the mainland. Fucking ridiculous." He said foot jiggling nervously as he tried to call Sarah again. The same female voice told him the service provider was down for maintenance.
"I'm sure we can find a charger for you." Spencer said, staring at the screen where they were playing an animation of the radiation cloud spreading from the points of impact, carried by the winds and expanding but also diffusing as it covered most of the planet.
"I think she's... she's dead, isn't she?" Brendon asked.
"Maybe not. No point in giving up hope yet." Spencer said, but he sounded tired and unsure.
"What about Vegas, do you think our parents are okay?" He didn't really want to ask, but at the same time he needed Spencer to assure him.
Spencer pursed his lips tightly shut for a moment and Brendon knew his friend was close to breaking at that moment. Still Spencer pulled himself together and shook his head. "They didn't hit Vegas, or anywhere in Nevada. It seems nobody really knows what's going on in the States right now, but I think they must be okay. They must be" Spencer repeated himself, sounding a bit desperate to Brendon's ears.
"I can't believe this is happening." Brendon said and leaned incrementally closer to Spencer. "This feels like a really elaborate prank. I mean nothing happened here, everything seems fine. How do we know anything is wrong anywhere, maybe everything is fine."
Spencer stroked his hair. "I don't think so Brendon. I really wish you were right, but I don't think so." Brendon sat there and thought it was weird that Spencer touched his hair. They didn't really do stuff like that, but then again he has seen Spencer do that with his sisters, so maybe Spencer was projecting that behaviour to Brendon now. And that was fine, he'd do a lot more for Spencer if he needed to.
~*~
They were stuck in Tasmania. No air traffic was allowed because there was a huge ash-cloud spreading in the atmosphere. They said it would block out the sun for years. Brendon couldn't really wrap his head around the idea. It seemed too huge and he still hadn't even accepted the fact that according to reports, most of the United States seemed to be on fire as the fires first caused by the explosions were now spreading from the impact sites to the surrounding areas. Nobody was able to put the fires out, it was too dangerous to go near the fallout sites because of radiation. Not to mention that the fires were only making the atmospheric ash problem worse.
There were reports of mass panic and chaos, people trying to flee the US and into Canada or South America, through Mexico, as there hadn't been any nuclear blasts there. There had been widespread looting and people shooting each other while trying to protect their homes or families or while trying to escape the radiation or the fires. Hospitals were overtaxed by people suffering from radiation sickness or bad burns, smoke inhalation and similar injuries.
On the third day Brendon turned off the tv, he couldn't watch it anymore. Compared to what was happening in the States things seemed pretty calm in Australia. Of course the government had declared a state of emergency and all kinds of new rules had been implemented, from a curfew to rationing of all supplies, especially food. Still it wasn't anything compared to the total chaos reigning over many countries all over the world.
"What's going on?" He asked when he finally tracked down his band and Zack, all huddled up in Zack's room.
"We were trying to come up with a plan." Dallon said from one of the beds where he was sitting, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes were red and his hair was standing up, dirty and unruly. Brendon felt a stab of guilt, he hadn't made any effort to reach out to his friends, hadn't even thought about what they had to be going through.
Spencer patted a spot next to him on the small couch and Brendon sank down on it gratefully. "What have you come up with so far?" He asked, mostly avoiding looking at anyone, in case they all looked as broken as Dallon did.
Zack's voice sounded weird and gravely, as if he hadn't been using it much in days. Brendon didn't want to think about Zack crying. "Not much we can do really. I think we might be able to get back to the mainland if we wanted to, next week probably, once the worst panic calms down. I don't know what good it would do though, we'd still be in Australia."
"We'd have our stuff." Ian said and he sounded pretty much normal, so Brendon dared to look at him. Ian's hair was drooping a bit but otherwise he looked pretty okay, just tired.
"That would be nice, I mean this was only supposed to be a weekend trip, take a break, see some sights, be back on tour on Monday. I'm running out of clean clothes." Spencer said, his voice dry.
Brendon gave into the urge and burrowed close to Spencer. He really needed someone to be there right now. Spencer didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm over Brendon's shoulders, understanding him wordlessly, like nobody else really could. Well Sarah was getting pretty good at it too but if she was dead... He cut that train of thought abruptly before he could finish.
"I think we can still get new clothes for you from some store. I think they are still taking credit cards, although I doubt that will last very long." Zack mused, and Brendon thought about what they would do after credit cards were no longer an option. He was scared.
"Maybe we should go today?" Ian suggested, picking at the fabric of the coverlet on the bed with his fingers.
"It's doable, there's time before the curfew and I think there should still be stuff left. Hopefully." Zack didn't sound very optimistic, but because they didn't really have anything better to do they ventured out on the streets together.
The city seemed like it was holding its breath. There weren't many cars driving around because petrol was the most carefully rationed commodity and already incredibly expensive. Brendon thought he could smell smoke in the air and it reminded him of LA when the smog was at it's worst. The news had said that the ash cloud should reach Australia tomorrow.
They found a small mall not far from the hotel and walked in. There were people shopping and it was almost possible to think nothing was wrong, as long as you didn't look at the worried frowns on people's faces or how they scurried around with purpose instead of the more leisured pace of normal shoppers. They found their way into a clothing store and even though they would normally have scattered around to look at things, now they kept together without Zack having to say anything.
Spencer said he wanted jeans, so they headed for the racks. "I think we should all get a few pairs." Zack said and rubbed the sturdy fabric between his fingers. Brendon didn't want to think about a world that didn't have new pairs of jeans in it anymore, so he swallowed hard and started to look for pairs in his size.
After the jeans they wandered over to shirts and then to underwear and socks. It felt so surreal to think these might be the last mass produced clothes ever to get made. "Do you think we'll regress back to the stone-age?" Brendon asked no one in particular, as he picked up a pair of socks with black and white stripes.
"Not likely. I mean some things will grind to a halt, but not everything. And it won't be for forever. Like they are talking about reopening some coalmines and coal plants to keep electricity going. Stuff like that, now that world trade is pretty much dead and there isn't oil coming from anywhere. So people will come up with alternative solutions." Ian said and grabbed a similar pair of socks.
"What about clothes? I mean most of them were made in China or India or countries like them. I think they have more important things on their minds right now, than making jeans." Brendon persisted.
This time it's Spencer who answered him, "Well at least there's a lot of wool around. Sheep country, remember? So I think we'll be okay. It's not like you'll have an excuse to just start going naked all the time."
Brendon grinned at the joke and Ian snickered, before they all sobered up. It seemed wrong to find something funny at a time like this.
"Let's head out." Zack said and they all hauled their loot to the cashier, who seemed uncertain if she should take their visa-cards or not, but in the end seemed to decide it wasn't her problem and took their plastic.
"I wish I had some actual life skills." Brendon said as he carried his shopping bags out of the shop and began walking back towards the hotel.
Ian frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well like hunting, or fishing, or farming, or something like that. I mean when they stop taking credit cards and all the banks go down and there is no recognized form of currency, how are we supposed to get food, or anything?" Brendon explained his reasoning.
"And where are we going? I doubt we can just keep living in the hotel." Spencer added.
"I'll look into it." Zack promised and to Brendon, he seemed to be doing better now that he had something to do, problems to solve.
Brendon sneaked a look at Dallon and wished he hadn't. Dallon was crying, tears just falling down his cheeks, as though Dallon didn't even realise he was doing it. He seemed to be following them on autopilot, not hearing anything they were talking about.
Seeing his friend so distraught, made it almost impossible for Brendon to ignore his own feelings. He'd worked so hard not to break down, not to even think what had most likely happened to some of the people he loved, and now he was about to break down in tears in the middle of a street in downtown Hobart.
"I want to go home," he whispered. Spencer must have heard him, as he turned to look at Brendon and gave him a sad look, but Spencer didn't say anything. What was there to say after all?
~*~
It took almost a week for the giant ash-cloud to cover up the entire world. It also took about the same time for Zack to find them a place to stay. They ended up renting a house on one of the Hobart suburbs, because Zack said it was best for them to stay near the biggest city, so they would be close enough to get aid if they needed it.
The house had two bedrooms so Brendon shared with Spencer and Ian with Dallon, while Zack made the downstairs dining room his own. Brendon liked being out of the hotel and it was nice to be able to wander inside the house freely, knowing that the others were close by. Because they didn't really have anything to do, they followed the newscast on the disaster. It was incredibly morbid and made Brendon want to cry more than once a night but at the same time none of them could look away. How could anyone just ignore what was going on?
"I think the death-toll is tapering off." Spencer offered one night when they were all sitting around the tv in the smallish living room.
"It had to at some point." Ian said and looked pretty relieved.
Dallon didn't say anything and Brendon was really starting to worry about him. Not that he didn't understand why Dallon was depressed, losing his wife and kids like that... The area where Dallon had lived had been on an area that had taken a direct hit. Brendon couldn't even imagine what that must feel like. Still, they had all lost people and they were all dealing, not well maybe, but at least they were trying, whereas Zack usually had to drag Dallon out of bed every day and he didn't say anything to anyone without prompting.
The news had moved on from listing the death counts by country to following the movements of the fallout clouds. So far the amounts of radioactive fallout had been very light on Australia, New Zealand and southern South America. The meteorologist they interviewed next said he felt optimistic about the situation and said it was possible that Australia would be spared the worst of soil and ground water pollution.
"I wish I had paid more attention during science classes." Brendon admitted as the people on tv went off on a tangent about soil pH values and plant mutation. It all seemed so complicated to him and it wasn't like he was in the best state of mind to absorb new information anyway.
Spencer nudged his side gently with his elbow, "I doubt even the scientists understand everything that's happening, so don't be too hard on yourself."
That night after they had gone to bed, Brendon tried to get comfortable under his light sheet. The house was too hot, as nobody was allowed to use electricity at night and the whole state was blacked out after eleven to save fuel. No electricity meant no air-conditioning and Brendon missed it acutely. "Spencer?" he whispered, in case Spencer had already fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" Spencer asked from his perch above Brendon. The house they gotten had been fully furnished and their room had come with bunk beds decorated with rally cars. Brendon had called dibs on it, but now wondered if the master bedroom might have been a bit cooler, because it had double doors to a small balcony.
"Do you think Dallon is going to be alright?" He asked, wary.
"I hope so, but dude, I think we are all entitled to grieve as long as we need. I think it's normal to be pretty messed up right now." That sounded like Spencer was giving him permission too.
"Okay, I mean I get what you are saying, but what about you? I haven't even seen you cry." Brendon didn't mean to sound accusing, but that's how his words ended up coming out.
Brendon could feel the bed move as Spencer turned on his mattress, and for a long moment he was worried Spencer had gotten angry with him. "I've cried, just not when anyone could see. Besides, there is a good chance that my parents are okay. The mountains between California and Nevada helped keep the fallout away from the inland, and the radiation levels aren't that bad in Vegas. Just because I haven't been able to get in touch with them doesn't mean anything. Almost all cell towers were affected by the EMP pulse that was caused by the blasts and..." Brendon was sure Spencer could go on forever in the same vein, so he took the matters into his own hands and just climbed in to bed with his best friend and hugged Spencer as tightly as he could.
Spencer let out a shaky breath and fell silent. For a while Brendon couldn't hear anything except their breathing, and some sort of crickets that seemed to live in their yard.
"Thanks." Spencer said finally, and returned Brendon's embrace. They were laying close together, foreheads touching, and Brendon could smell Spencer's toothpaste in his breath.
"Sarah is dead." Brendon whispered. Acknowledging the fact out-loud for the first time.
Spencer's body went rigid for a second but then loosened, like Spencer thought Brendon wouldn't be able to notice the reaction if Spencer relaxed his body fast enough.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to freak out more than I am already. I think, even though I've said it now, and I know it must be true logically, I still don't believe it in my heart of hearts. It just doesn't make sense to me. None of this does. Some days I still think this is a dream. And if this is a dream, then nothing I do matters and when I wake up Sarah will be there." Brendon admitted.
"If I could just wake up." Brendon mused and then surprised himself by bursting into laughter. Spencer made an inquisitive sound and Brendon managed to stop laughing so he could explain.
"I feel like I'm Mal, you remember, the movie Inception? Where she didn't believe she was in the real world and she killed herself to wake up."
Spencer tightened his hold on Brendon, so he hurried to add, "Not that I'm going to kill myself, don't worry okay? I wouldn't do that to you guys. I wouldn't leave you to deal with all this shit alone. I promise."
"I don't think that was funny." Spencer grumbled and loosened his hold on Brendon incrementally, burying his head into Brendon's neck.
Brendon stroked Spencer's hair and wished the bed were a bit wider so they could fit better, but didn't move to get back to his own bed. He needed to be close to someone as much as Spencer seemed to need it right now. "Maybe tomorrow night we should make a big puppy pile on that big bed in the master bedroom? You think Ian and Dallon would share it with us?" Brendon asked, only half kidding.
"Weirder things have happened." Spencer answered and then yawned into Brendon's neck, making a shiver run down his back.
~*~
When it rained the first time after 11/16 -that's the name they have seemed to have settled on for the four hours when the world went crazy, the water was sooty and it marred cars, streets, houses, everything it touched. It was also slightly radioactive, so people were advised to stay indoors. Brendon sat in the kitchen and watched as the dirty rain fell, feeling like there was something deep about the fact, something that he kind of wanted to put into lyrics, but he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say.
Someone walked in and sat next to Brendon, who glanced over and saw it was Ian. Ian offered him a small smile and then sighed, the forced expression falling from his face. "How are you doing?" Brendon asked, because he hadn't really had a chance to talk to Ian much, in all of this.
"Shitty. You know what bothers me the most? Not the millions and millions of people who are dead, not all the cities that were levelled. No, what bothers me is that I left all my guitars in the bus and now I'll most likely never see them again. And how shitty is that? I thought I was a better person." Ian said and dragged his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more, if that was even possible.
"Might just be a reaction, you know one of those they are talking about on tv non-stop. Coping mechanism, or something." Brendon offered, even though he felt pretty much the same as Ian about his guitars, now that Ian had mentioned it.
"Maybe." Ian muttered, but didn't sound convinced. "I'm also still waiting for superheroes to appear. I mean in all the comics and movies, radiation is the sure bet when it comes to getting some powers."
Brendon laughed at that a bit, just happy that for once the topic wasn't deathly serious. "I still have dibs on flying." he announced and poked Ian on the shoulder, making the smaller man sway as he tried to avoid the hit.
"Whatever man, I wouldn't want that power anyway." Ian argued back and they spent a nice fifteen minutes just talking about superheroes in general and then about how much the Wolverine movie had sucked. Brendon hadn't felt this normal in eight days and he felt a lot better when Ian wandered off towards the living room, saying he'd try to find some cartoons among all the doom and gloom programming.
Brendon kind of wanted a snack, but he had become very conscious about how much food they had and how much they would get when they went to town to receive their rations, so instead he continued to sit where he was and watch the rain fall.
~*~
Two weeks after 11/16 Brendon was back sitting at the table in the kitchen but this time for a very different reason. They were having a Christmas Eve dinner, even though their rations were mostly canned goods and a few loaves of bread. Not to mention that they had agreed to save the best stuff for tomorrow. So he poked at his tuna casserole a bit sceptically but after tasting it decided it wasn't too bad. It seemed Spencer really could cook.
He had the strongest urge to say, 'this is weird' but didn't, knowing it would ruin the jovial mood, everyone had worked so hard to create today. Even Dallon had made some effort to connect with them and Brendon didn't want to be the one to ruin that. So he ate his food with his friends and then went to sit in the living room and play monopoly. It was an Australian version, so at least all the streets still existed and it wouldn't bring up bad memories for any of them.
Zack almost always won in Monopoly and this time sadly wasn't an exception. After the game was over they moved on to poker and then they watched a movie. Star Wars seemed like a safe choice, as it wasn't even set on Earth and they could all use some escapism right then. Ian had an annoying habit of reciting all the lines out loud, but after he got a few pillows to the face he started to just mouth the words with the actors with no sound coming out. Brendon found watching Ian to be pretty entertaining as well, so he divided his attention between his friend and the tv set.
When they got ready to go to bed Brendon climbed in with Spencer and when he lifted his eyebrow questioningly Brendon just shrugged. He was pretty sure Spencer could guess he just didn't want to sleep alone that night, because the other man didn't try to drive Brendon away.
The night was pretty hot and the bed was way too small for two adults to share but they managed, as they had on many nights already. When he was pretty sure Spencer was asleep he let himself cry for a bit. He was supposed to be home right now, they had talked about it with Sarah and she had been cool about going to stay with Brendon's family. He missed her so much and he wanted his mom. He wanted to hug her and hear her whisper blessings in his hair. He wanted to go home.
~*~
The day before new years Brendon found a dead bird on their lawn. He froze there, unable to make his body move at all and felt sick. It was a small songbird, kind of colourful but Brendon had no idea what it was called. He had never been any good at telling animal species apart, and besides, he was pretty sure the birds were completely different in Australia anyway. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the body, at least he couldn't see anything and of course he thought it might have died because of radiation.
Finally his feet came unstuck from the ground and he went inside to get Zack. When they were once again standing over the small body Brendon had to ask, "Do you think that will happen to us?"
Zack scooped the bird up and into a dustpan before answering, "I don't think so. The radiation levels haven't risen here over the limit that would cause harm to humans. Sometimes birds just die Brendon, don't worry about it."
Brendon kind of wanted to say that maybe the news was lying to them, to avoid causing panic and anarchy. After all, Australia was one of the few countries in the world that still had a functioning government and that hadn't declared marshal law. People actually still went to work and the Australian dollar had suddenly become the world's most stable currency.
"I've never had to think this much about politics in my whole life." Brendon grumbled as he went back inside and found Ian and Spencer in the living room, playing cards.
"Don't break your brain, it's not used to such heavy use." Spencer quipped but didn't even look up from his cards.
Brendon went to sit next to him on the floor, because they were using the low coffee table as the base for their game. "Are you actually playing Go Fish? I don't think a dude playing that game can accuse someone else of not using their brain."
Ian grinned at Brendon and he felt suddenly so very glad that he was with these guys when the world went to hell. He grinned back at Ian and then started doodling on a Joker card, even though Spencer tried to rescue the card from being vandalized. "Dude, people will be able to tell it's the joker because your pen is pushing through the paper."
"What ever, it's fine." Brendon said breezily and continued to draw a big moustache on the Joker's face.
He didn't mention the dead bird.
On New Years Eve they managed to get some booze, even though they couldn't really afford it and proceeded to get drunk. They didn't do a countdown so Brendon realised it was 2012 a half an hour late. He felt pleasantly buzzed and leaned against the railing on their small deck. "The Mayans totally blew their prophecy." He mused out loud to Dallon, who was sitting on an old and rickety lawn chair close by.
"Why'd you say that, there's still plenty of time for the world to end. I think we got it to a pretty good start on 2011." Dallon argued but didn't sound horribly morbid, so Brendon took that as a win.
"Yeah but I think, if the world was going to end, it would have happened when the bombs started to fall. I think we made it. Only way is up from here." Brendon said optimistically.
Dallon snorted into his beer, "Dude, haven't you been listening to the millions of programs about what will happen to the climate? There wont be any sunlight to grow stuff. Millions of people will die of starvation, we might all still die."
"Urgh, party downer. Let's change the subject. Did you know Zack is thinking about getting a real job?"
Dallon tilted his head to the side curiously, "No, I hadn't heard about that. What's he planning to do? Find a new band to herd around?"
Brendon hopped up to sit on the banister and related the conversation they'd had with Zack while Dallon had been moping in his room. "They are looking for people to help build those big new greenhouses, remember the local news? Zack said he's done some construction before and he's sick and tired of doing nothing day after day. Not to mention that we have pretty much no cash left and the credit cards might as well be toys."
"Huh, that actually doesn't sound too bad. I might go too." Dallon said and finished his beer.
Brendon gaped at him, "What, are you serious?"
"Sure. I have to agree with Zack, I don't like sitting around. Too much time to think, to remember stuff." Dallon said, his expression closing off.
"Oh." Brendon let out a breath and watched as Dallon walked back inside. He wanted a cigarette so bad but those were one of the commodities that had gotten very expensive and there was no way he could afford to buy even one.
~*~
So Zack and Dallon got jobs working for the huge construction site, just outside of Hobart. The workers got to decide if they wanted to get paid in cash or in ration coupons. A lot of people opted for the coupons, Zack told them after he and Dallon got back from the first day of work. They all agreed that Dallon would take his pay in coupons and Zack would take his in money, just to make sure they are prepared for anything.
The worst panic mode had passed it seemed, all over the world countries were trying to salvage whatever they could, even if many countries didn't even have capitols or much of their infrastructure left. There was talk of building a new United Nations building, but nobody could seem to agree where it should be placed -after all New York was in ruins, and nobody really had the money to put into such a trivial project anyway.
Most of the world's scientists were working on ways to protect the soil, water and environment as best as possible, because everyone knew what would happen in the near future. There wasn't talk about whether a nuclear winter was going to happen, but instead arguments about how severe it's affects would be and how long it would last.
So the projects of building huge greenhouses to grow food were the top priority worldwide. Places like New Zealand and Iceland might actually have faired the best out of all the countries as they had geothermal power they could use and also, the bombs hadn't directly affect them. Australia wasn't doing so bad either, but there were some concerns about how the green houses would be powered and the government had to keep addressing the situation about people not hoarding food and calming the public that everyone would be taken care off.
Brendon had to admit that he was bored. The power cuts had now been extended so that there was electricity for household use only between six pm and nine pm. So now he couldn't even spend all his days in front of the television, morbidly curious about the next setback, or the still rising death toll.
"I think Dallon and Zack got it right with this job thing. Do you think we should do it too?" He asked Spencer one morning, staring out the window to the deeply grey sky. It seemed it would rain again soon. He hated the grey sooty sludge they called rain these days. He wouldn't even be able to go outside once it started.
"Hmm?" Spencer asked and looked up from a book he'd been reading. Brendon didn't know what it was, because Spencer had taken the covers off the hardback and the remaining text on the cover was too small for him to read.
"Should we go work too? I'm getting stir crazy just sitting around the house all day." Brendon repeated his question; slightly annoyed that Spencer hadn't been paying attention to him the first time around.
Spencer narrowed his eyes, like he was really giving this some thought but then he shook his head, "I think the work crews are all full up, didn't Zack say something like that? And besides, it's manual labour, since when are you into that?"
"Asshole, I can pick up a shovel if need be. Just because I chose a profession for myself where I don't actually have to work..." Brendon couldn't keep a straight face any longer, because Spencer was giving him that amused smile of his, so they just both burst out laughing. It was too rare a sound these days.
"Yeah, we don't really have marketable skills for the post-apocalyptic workplace." Spencer summed it up and went back to his book.
Brendon didn't want Spencer to read though, he wanted his friend to talk to him, pay attention to him, so he kicked the leg of Spencer's chair, startling Spencer and then making him give Brendon the evil eye. "What?"
"Didn't you hear me when I said I'm bored." Brendon said, making his voice sound as whiny as he could, just to annoy Spencer as much as possible.
Spencer rolled his eyes and deliberately went back to his book after saying, "Not now baby, go play with Ian, mom's busy."
Brendon kind of wanted to laugh at that, but instead he kicked the chair leg again. Just to be a jerk.
"Wait until your dad gets home, he'll hear about this." Spencer said, adopting a weird falsetto voice, but still looking incredibly indifferent to Brendon's blight.
Brendon felt almost giddy, the fact that they were doing this, playing, just joking around, and annoying each other. Like things were normal. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed it.
"But Spencer, don't you want to play with me?" He asked, attempting a coy look.
Spencer snorted and looked up, his eyes light and at ease -for the first time in what felt like forever. "Just go bother Ian, I bet he's still in bed, so you can scare the crap out of him by jumping on him while his guard is still down."
"Fine." Brendon huffed and got up, but poked Spencer in the ear with a licked finger on his way out of the room, just to make a point. Then he made a run for it, up the stairs just in case Spencer decided to give chase. But he didn't so Brendon did end up jumping on Ian, who yelped and flailed around for a few amusing seconds, before retaliating by tackling Brendon, resulting in a tousle, where they both mostly flapped around uselessly because they were laughing too hard to care who won.
So that ended up being a good day. Even when Zack and Dallon came home, hauling that weeks rations, --because it was rationing Friday after all, the mood stayed light. Spencer and Zack cooked dinner and after they had eaten Dallon went out to the porch and came back with an acoustic guitar case. Brendon was pretty sure his and Ian's expressions were identical in their childlike wonderment and simultaneous unadulterated lust. Whatever the case may be, it did make the other guys laugh at them, but Brendon didn't care. Dallon had gotten them a guitar.
Dallon explained that he and Zack decided to swap some of their rations for the guitar and that it had been surprisingly cheap. A lot of people didn't seem to think instruments were worth more than food these days. Brendon laughed a bit nervously at the quip but couldn't stop his fingers from caressing the smooth wood of the guitar face. Ian was running his fingers over the fret-boards worship-fully.
In the end they had to play rock-paper-scissors for who got to play it first, but after that they took turns amiably, passing the instrument along after playing a few songs. It was late by the time they got tired of playing and singing and Brendon climbed into his bed still humming happily. Spencer came into the room only moments after Brendon and he watched Spencer strip out of his button down shirt and jeans, getting ready for bed.
Brendon changed the tune he'd been humming to 'Sharp Dressed Man' and Spencer grinned at him, so wide that Brendon could see his teeth gleam, even in the dark room.
"No, don't" Brendon protested quickly when he saw that Spencer was trying to get into his own bed. "Can you sleep with me, please? I always sleep better if you're there." He admitted, because Spencer had frozen in place after his initial words.
Spencer let out a breath, almost a sigh and climbed in to join Brendon. "We might as well just put the mattresses on the floor, at least then we'd have some space."
"Yeah, but then we'd lose the awesomeness that is bunk beds." Brendon said, his tone light, relieved that Spencer didn't make him explain himself, or deny him this. It's just that having Spencer there, right next to him, close enough to feel his body heat, hear his breathing and feel his chest move with each breath helped keep the nightmares at bay, or at least made it much easier to go back to sleep after having one.
Spencer snuggled closer, obviously quite good at making himself comfortable even in the tight space by now, tucking his arm over Brendon's side. It was a ridiculous thought but Brendon couldn't help but to feel safe right then. "Thanks." He mumbled when Spencer had stopped moving, settling to sleep.
"It's not just you who needs this Bren. We're helping each other out, just like always." Spencer said, his voice already sleep-rough and low.
And for once Brendon slept the whole night through without a single nightmare.
Part Two
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