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bandomstuffsit2013-01-02 07:21 pm
stuffitmod.livejournal.com) wrote in bandomstuffsit2013-01-02 07:21 pm
Is the Magic Number (3/3): gift for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
akamine_chan
Part 1
Part 2
If asked previously, Pete would have said cleaning’s no fun, but that was before he’d spent the last hour cleaning with Alicia and Mikey. Loud music that they all sing along to, and an impromptu jam air bass session using brooms, and, in Pete’s case, the brush from the sink, means he’s laughed more than he has for weeks. Even the soaked through front of his t-shirt isn’t an issue as Pete blows bubbles at Alicia and ducks when Mikey throws a stale sandwich his way.
It’s chaotic, noisy fun, and just what Pete needs as he wrings out the front of his t-shirt and surveys the now-clean apartment. Which, now that it’s clear of people and the layer of mess, looks much bigger, and exactly how Pete would expect the joined space of Mikey and Alicia to be.
After drying his hands on a towel, Pete drapes it over the sink and slowly wanders the apartment, taking in the DVDs and books on the shelf and framed posters and art on the walls. What he doesn’t do is look in the bedroom, where Mikey and Alicia have gone to get changed.
“Here, you can wear this,” Mikey says, appearing out of the bedroom and handing Pete a clean t-shirt. “It’s one of yours anyway.”
Pete takes the t-shirt and sees it is one of his, the material well worn and soft against Pete’s skin as he strips off his wet t-shirt and pulls on the one Mikey handed over. Looking down, Pete tries to remember the last time he saw it, but can’t remember specifics past the end of the Warped summer.
“You left it in my bunk.” Mikey stays close, his arms crossed over his chest and any previous good humor replaced by a blank expression Pete wants to poke at and break. “I found it when I was packing up and decided to keep it.”
Pete shifts from foot to foot, says, “So you could make a voodoo doll? I’m sure Gerard would have stuck it with pins.”
Briefly, Mikey flashes a smile. “He’d have stuck it with a whole box, but no, I kept it because it reminded me of you.”
“Mikey....” Pete trails off and tries to think what to say. How to say sorry for a decision he made so long before. “Back then, I wasn’t thinking and shouldn’t have run off. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Mikey says, and this time his smile stays as he relaxes, dropping his arms and looking back into the bedroom again. “I figured you had reasons.”
“I did,” Pete agrees, and they were valid reasons, even if, in hindsight, he reacted too impulsively in response. But even if Pete had been impulsive, he still knows that they wouldn’t have worked out long term back then. Now though, Pete still doesn’t know if this threesome will work out long term, or even if Mikey and Alicia want it that way, but he’s going to find out. It’s why Pete takes a deep breath and then says, “We need to talk.”
In response, Mikey heads for the couch and sits, his legs stretched out as he pats the space beside him. “Come sit down, Alicia will be out soon.”
Pete nods, and goes to sit next to Mikey, but not too close. For this conversation Pete needs some space, even if it’s just the span of the cushion between them. Settling himself down in the corner, he pulls a cushion onto his lap, holding it close as Alicia appears and looks at the space on the couch. Apparently guessing the significance, she chooses an easy chair instead, pulling it closer to the couch before sitting and then says, “We do need to talk, but if you feel uncomfortable, tell us. No more running away to get coffee.”
“I’m going to feel uncomfortable.” Pete can say that already, because as much as he knows Mikey and Alicia won’t laugh, Pete’s not used to talking about how he’s feeling. At least, not like this, face to face with actual friends and not his therapist or a computer screen and words that don’t judge.
“Well, okay then, we’ll start if that helps.” Alicia sits forward on the chair, her attention solely on Pete. “Wanting you isn’t an impulsive decision. Yeah, we messed up on the invite, but we do want you to join us, and not just in bed. In a relationship, too.”
Cushion gripped tight, Pete thinks over what Alicia is saying, but as relieved as he is that this isn’t a one-off, he’s still confused about some things. “So what, you want some kind of poly relationship? That’s a big jump considering we haven’t been back in contact that long.”
“It feels right,” Mikey says simply, and Pete’s reminded of all the times that Mikey trusted his instincts, jumping headfirst into situations that could have ended up in disaster but somehow worked out. “You belong with us.”
Alicia reaches out, touching Mikey’s knee and gives him a warning look. “But only if you want to, and as much as you want to. If you just wanted to come see us sometimes that’s okay too, we’re not looking at a sister wives thing here.”
“Okay, good.” Pete can admit that’s not something he wants right now, even the thought of an official full-time poly relationship making his heart pound in his chest. But something casual that still matters? That he can do, that is, once they’ve discussed one other thing. “About the sex, that is if you still want it. What I said before is true, for some things anyway. I haven’t been wearing a purity ring or anything, but I haven’t gone all of the way and I don’t want to yet. It’s not you, it’s....”
“Pete.” Mikey cuts through Pete’s babble, waiting a moment until Pete’s looking his way and then says, “It’s okay. It’s us. You do what you’re comfortable with and when we get close to your line you say stop, and we will.”
It’s something Pete needed to hear, and he loosens his grip on the cushion, letting it fall onto his lap. “Right. Good. Thank you. Because I still like other things, I’m not some prude spinster aunt.”
Mikey grins and winks at Pete. “We both know that you’re good at other things. At least, you used to be. That could have changed.”
“It hasn’t,” Pete immediately shoots back, enjoying the teasing even while thinking this can’t be so easy. There’s no way that Mikey and Alicia can be so blasé about something that’s been such a huge part of Pete’s life. After his confession Pete was expecting some in depth discussion about virginity and meaning, not this easy acceptance based on respecting Pete always. But somehow, it seems that it is this easy, and somehow, Pete knows this is right. Looking from Mikey to Alicia, Pete says, “Want me to prove it?”
Almost instantly, Mikey says, “Yes.”
“Not that he’s eager or anything.” Grinning, Alicia stands and offers her hands to Mikey and Pete. “Gentlemen. I think you need to escort me to the bedroom.”
Pete waits a beat, until Mikey holds out his hand, and only then does Pete do the same, holding onto Alicia’s hand as she helps pull them both to their feet. Expecting Alicia to let go, Pete’s pleased when she keeps holding on, her fingers curled around Pete’s as they head for the bedroom.
And once they’re in there, Pete clutches Alicia’s hand like a lifeline as he stares at the bed. Pete doesn’t know where to start. It’s like he’s been offered all he wants on a plate, Mikey and Alicia both there and waiting as Pete rubs at his face with his free hand and says, “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had a threesome before.”
“We’ll wing it,” Mikey says, casual, as if attempting a threesome is something he does daily. “Or you can tell us what you want, like a blowjob.”
“Subtle, Mikey.” Alicia laughs and leans in toward Pete, as if sharing a confidence. “Was he as orally fixated when he was with you?”
“He did love to suck dick,” Pete says, swallowing hard as he remembers fast, messy blow jobs in the back of the busses and out of the way areas. The way Mikey would want to kiss after, his mouth still swollen and tasting of coffee and Pete’s come. Except, as much as Pete’s dick twitches as he thinks to back then, he realizes it’s not what he wants right now. Hesitantly, Pete says, “Can we start small? Like me watching you with Mikey?”
Alicia considers for all of a second and then says, “Like him eating me out?”
“Fuck yeah,” Mikey says, giving Pete a thumbs up, which in this situation is so ridiculous all Pete can do is laugh in response.
“That’s better.” Alicia brings Pete’s hand to her mouth, kissing his knuckles as they watch Mikey strip off his t-shirt and throw it onto the floor. It’s something that fascinates Pete as he takes in the ways that Mikey has changed. The way the lines of his body have become more defined and how confident he is as he’s moving, the slump of his shoulders still there, but counteracted by the way he’s obviously relaxed in his own skin.
“He’s hot, yeah,” Alicia says, laughing when Mikey strikes a pose in response, all arced in lower back and sticking out ass. “But I think he needs to be cut off from ‘Top Model’.Give it up, baby. You’ll never get the booty tooch.”
“I need a booty pad,” Mikey says mock sadly, relaxing his pose as sits on the bed and toes off his sneakers, kicking them both to the side. “And for both of you to come over here.”
“We can do that.” Still holding onto Pete’s hand, Alicia tows him forward, approaching the bed. “You still want to watch?”
“Yeah,” Pete says, already missing the warmth of Alicia’s hand as she lets go and moves over to Mikey, standing so she’s between his spread legs.
Instantly Mikey brings up his hands, cupping them on Alicia’s waist, and it’s so obvious they’ve done this before, fitting together perfectly as Mikey looks up and smiles. Something so tender that Pete feels like he’s intruding until Alicia looks over her shoulder and says, “You can join us on the bed if you want, or watch from there.”
Pete considers, but no matter how much he’s tempted to be within touching distance, all he wants to do right now is watch, and he’ll be able to see better from here. “I’ll stay here.”
“Okay.” At Pete’s words, Alicia turns back to Mikey, neither looking away from each other as Alicia pulls off her t-shirt, revealing the bra she’s wearing underneath. Which isn’t anything special at all, Pete’s seen plenty of porn and hung out with women who like flaunting their underwear and what Alicia’s wearing could be classed as practical at best -- but that doesn’t matter. Pete can’t look away as Mikey expertly unfastens the hooks of her bra, and gently pulls the straps from her shoulders.
And this is something Pete hasn’t seen for a very long time. Alicia’s ponytail dark and resting against the pale skin of her bare back as she stands still, letting Mikey hook his fingers under the waistband of her pants and ease them down until Alicia’s left standing in her black boxer cut panties.
“You’re beautiful,” Mikey says, so soft that Pete can barely hear what he’s saying, but he can see Mikey’s expression as he leans in and presses a kiss against Alicia’s stomach. “And need to be lying down.”
“Or you could.” In a swift, calculated movement, Alicia pushes forward, using her bodyweight to topple Mikey back as she kneels on the bed and straddles his chest. “You’re also overdressed.”
Mikey stretches out his arms, seemingly perfectly content as he raises an eyebrow and says, “You could fix that.”
For a long moment Alicia sits still, the twitch of her mouth the only movement, until, suddenly she bursts out laughing and crawls back a little. “You’re incorrigible, and lazy.”
To Pete, it’s like watching something just a beat off the usual, where sex is being led up to, but in a way Pete’s never seen. Not that he’s never laughed while getting a blow job or getting someone off. But that’s more to do with getting caught in the act, and not this, where there’s no intense focus on sex only, just Mikey and Alicia comfortable together as Alicia stands, and expertly pulls off Mikey’s pants and boxers in one quick tug.
“Better?” Mikey asks, and abruptly the mood in the room changes, intensifying in a way that makes Pete feel unsteady on his feet as he stares at Mikey and Alicia. How Alicia fumbles in her haste to pull down and step out of her panties and then get back onto the bed.
Lying down, she stretches out on her side, pressed against Mikey and her hand on his hip bone, and Pete knows it’s an image he’ll remember forever. How they’re lying so close, Mikey’s head turned so he can look at Alicia and neither provocatively touching. Not that they need to, every look and casual touch hints at more, the love that they hold for each other as Mikey runs his hand over Alicia’s arm, and then down, nails scraping over the swell of her breast and over her nipple, making it peak as Alicia gasps, her eyes fluttering closed.
It’s a reaction that hits Pete hard, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to get through this, when watching seems to affect him even more than actually doing. All he knows is it feels like he’s sharing every panted breath as Alicia keeps her eyes close as Mikey keeps moving his hand until it’s hidden from sight between her between her legs.
Disappointed, Pete starts to move, needing to see, but already Alicia’s moving onto her back, her knees bent and legs falling open as Mikey pushes himself up on one elbow. It’s a position that allows Pete to see perfectly, and he’s glad of the wall for support as he watches Mikey gently stroke Alicia’s inner thighs, teasing touches that make her legs shake.
Pete takes it all in, the darkened, damp pubes and how Mikey keeps teasing by brushing his fingers along them, and then, as if on an inaudible signal, slides his fingers inside.
Alicia groans in response, and Pete does the same, so turned on that it’s physically painful. All he wants to do is push down his pants and jerk off, Match his strokes to Mikey’s who’s fucking Alicia with his fingers, pushing in careful but deep as she grabs hold of the sheets and holds on. Except, Pete doesn’t know the etiquette for this. Is it okay if he jerks off while watching two of his friends have sex? Except, while they are his friends, they’re also more now, which surely means jerking off is okay?
Decision made, Pete scrabbles at his belt buckle, fingers made clumsy as Alicia moans again, back arching as she manages to say, “Mikey, your mouth.”
Mikey doesn’t respond verbally, but he does do is slowly pull back his hand, his attention going from Alicia to Pete, Mikey staring directly at him as he sucks his fingers into his mouth.
“Fuck,” Pete says, because this is Mikey playing unfair, deliberately teasing, and if Pete doesn’t touch himself soon he’s going to come in his pants like some kind of teen. Not that Mikey cares, still looking at Pete, Mikey drags his fingers from his mouth, his gaze dropping when Pete finally unbuckles his belt and shoves down his underwear and pants.
His eyes dark and cheeks flushed, Mikey allows himself a long look, then rolls, body slightly to one side as he positions himself between Alicia’s legs, and immediately starts eating her out. It’s a move that Pete can’t see, but that’s okay, Pete can see Alicia’s reaction, how her hands tighten even further and her body bucks, and Pete can understand why. It’s all too easy to remember Mikey’s mouth, how much he enjoyed giving head, and Pete licks at his palm and takes a deep breath, trying for control before he touches his dick.
Not that it’s easy to gain that control, it can’t be when Pete can hear the wet sounds of Mikey’s mouth alongside each responding groan and gasp from Alicia, her head thrown back and gasping for breath. How he can see how Alicia’s legs are trembling and the slightest glimpse of Mikey’s dick, hard and pressed against the cover.
Pete wants to touch and taste, but all does is match his rhythm to Mikey’s, responding along with Alicia as she moans, her whole body tensing as Mikey keeps moving, the shift of his body showing he’s still using his tongue as she stiffens and yells.
And Pete’s close, so close, just one stroke away, but he stops when Mikey kneels, says something to Alicia that Pete can’t catch, and then gets off of the bed.
Confused, Pete looks at Alicia, who’s looking right back, hair in a mess and cheeks flushed. Unsure, Pete wonders if they expect him to get onto the bed, but Alicia’s not moving, just watching as Mikey steps close, and, without a word, kisses Pete.
It’s a kiss that’s familiar and yet not. But Pete doesn’t care about analyzing details; all he does is press close to Mikey, tasting Alicia as Mikey deepens the kiss and positions his body so his dick is rubbing against Pete’s. It’s almost too much, Pete caught in sensation and memories and the feel of Mikey’s hand as he wraps it around Pete’s, and starts jerking them both off. Awkwardly at first, but then smoother, and Pete’s lost, spilling over both of their hands as Mikey keeps kissing, and within seconds, follow.
----o0o-----
“You know that this is weird,” Patrick says, tracking Pete’s movements as he wanders the kitchen gathering ingredients. “You’re cooking, and humming.”
“I am,” Pete agrees, adding an onion to the pile of produce that he’s made on the counter. “I like cooking, it’s fun.”
Patrick rests his elbows on the edge of the breakfast bar, watching as Pete picks up a chopping board and a knife. “You like ordering in food. And since when did you have actual cooking equipment?”
“Since Alicia told me I couldn’t live on takeout alone,” and okay, since Alicia gave Pete a basics cooking lesson, that included her draped against his back while demonstrating the right way to chop an onion. Not that Pete’s about to say that, or that Mikey watched all the time, his mouth curled up into a small smile, as if he was watching something precious and not just Alicia teaching Pete how to cook.
“That’s weird too,” Patrick says, and Pete waits for him to say more, knowing that Patrick’s been leading up to something all day. “This whole relationship with Mikey and Alicia.”
“They make me happy,” Pete says simply, and sure, it’s not something he expected either, but the fact is, it’s working. Pete’s never felt so settled, even if he does see Mikey and Alicia less than he’d like.
Patrick waves his hand in the arm, like he’s trying to convey something via jazz hands alone. “Not weird in a bad way. Just weird, weird. Like, you’re in a long distance poly relationship with a guy and a girl. The fuck?”
Remembering Alicia’s advice -- and the way she felt pressed against his back, the way her laughter brushed warm air against the side of his neck -- Pete chops through the onion, leaving on the root as he peels. “I know, but it’s good. We’re good.”
“You’re sure?” And this is why Pete loves Patrick so much, that he’s willing to bypass the bullshit and ask the questions that he thinks need answers.
“I’m sure.” That’s something Pete can say for certain. His relationship may be unconventional, but it’s one that’s working for him. Sure, in terms of balance he’s the one losing out, but it has to be that way, when Alicia and Mikey are already living together. Plus, it’s not like they ever make him feel that way, two easily easing into three when they’re together. By now Pete’s got his own drawers for his clothes and space on the shelves for his favorite movies and books, and he loves that, as he settles into what’s become his new second home.
“You seem happier.” Patrick links his fingers together, resting his chin on his joined hands as he stares at Pete. “Hell, you are happier.”
“My therapist says it’s a good sign, that I’m starting to trust beyond the people I call significant friends,” Pete says, and as much as he thinks she may have a point, there’s also the thing that Pete suspects that this new trust is aimed toward two people only, and not the world at large. “I didn’t tell her that trust came along with sharing a bed.”
“About that....” Patrick trails off and take off his glasses, rubbing them on the front of his shirt. “Are you? You know?”
“Had my long held cherry popped by Mikey or Alicia?” Pete asks, and can’t resist teasing a little, nonchalantly chopping a tomato as he adds, “Nope. Alicia did offer to use her strap-on and smallest dildo, but I told her I was happy watching her do Mikey.”
Patrick gives Pete a long look. “I’ve been your friend for a long time now. You can’t embarrass me with sex stories anymore.”
“So you want to hear about how Alicia’s harness is black leather, and how it’s so worn it feels soft? Or how it fits so perfectly around her hips and how she struts when she’s wearing it.” Pete looks up from his chopping, and while it’s gratifying to see Patrick’s cheeks are flushed red, Pete’s also managed to turn himself on, which is annoying and frustrating when he’s here making dinner. “Can you finish chopping these? I need to go to the bathroom.”
Patrick makes no attempt to move. “You want me to finish your prep so you can go and jerk off after imagining your girlfriend fuck your boyfriend with a strap on? Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“Fine,” Pete says, and goes back to careful chopping. “But if I get distracted and chop off my dick it’s on your head. You can deal with the reporters who want details about ‘Fall Out Boy front man in dick decapitation incident’.”
“I don’t actually think it can be decapitation if it’s your dick,” Patrick says, and leans forward, grabbing a slice of tomato. “Then again. It could be said you think with that head at times.”
“It could be said that I hate you,” Pete says, pushing another slice toward Patrick with the point of his knife. “You’re the worst ever.”
“I know,” Patrick says, and grins as he takes the tomato slice, and eats it with one bite.
---o0o--
Being in a relationship with Pete can be hard, that’s something he’s known for a while.
He’s difficult to live with and has issues that can rear up at any time and down him for days. Then there’s the attention, Pete may not be globally famous, but he is a known name in some parts. The parts where he can’t go out for a coffee without getting attention, from the fans or sometimes the paps.
Not that Pete cares, at least mostly. He chose this life and that means taking the bad along with the good. But others haven’t, and Pete’s got used to people walking away.
They can’t stand the public scrutiny, or sometimes, Pete himself.
It’s just something that happens, and something Pete’s become used to.
Even so, sometimes it still breaks his heart
---o0o--
A few weeks of missing Mikey when he goes off on tour, and Pete eagerly says yes when Alicia suggests that they join him. Not for the whole thing, both Alicia and Pete have their own lives, but a few overnight visits, that’s exactly what Pete needs.
And sure, at first it’s weird to feel like he’s one of the band significant others, hanging with Jamia, Christa and Alicia backstage, but soon Pete gets used to the circus that’s My Chemical Romance on tour. In lots of ways it feels like his own tours, the same platters of food in the green rooms, the same crates of equipment, and the same boredom that comes along with hanging for hours while the band soundcheck and do press.
Pete’s become an expert at avoiding the fans that stalk outside of the venues, but in return for hiding away, he gets to spend plenty of time with Alicia, and also get to know Mikey’s band.
Not that he didn’t know them before. It’s just, back then it was on a surface level, there due to Mikey only, while now, Pete’s also there as their friend. He enjoys talking books with Frank and dogs with Bob and plotting costumed shenanigans with James. On one memorable occasion Ray even asked advice on a bridge he was composing, a moment when Pete finally knew he was in and accepted completely.
At least, by most. As happy as he is to talk and hang out, sometimes Gerard still looks at Pete like he suspects something is going to go wrong. It’s nothing overt, and Pete can justify the looks away by reminding himself of how Gerard is protective of Mikey. Still, it seems unfair that he seemingly holds onto reservations, because things between Mikey, Alicia and Pete are going great.
Until they’re not going great at all.
It’s nothing panic worthy at first. A few mornings when Pete wakes feeling exhausted and down. But that’s something he expects and part of his life. Normally the dark days pass, especially when Pete’s spending time with Mikey and Alicia. They’re not magic, Pete knows his mental issues are still there when he’s with them, just he’s more easily able to deal. It helps that Mikey gets it, and Alicia always does her best to understand, but the worse Pete feels, the more he keeps quiet.
It’s stupid. He knows he should phone Patrick or Gabe or even his therapist. He should open his mouth and say, ‘I’m not okay right now’ but Pete doesn’t. He keeps smiling and keeps lying and keeping going to visit Mikey, using the chaos of tour to hide how he’s feeling.
Like now, when Pete’s been ushered into the hotel via that back entrance and stands hidden behind a row of potted plants, always aware of the fans who’re clustered outside the main foyer.
“Room seventy two, floor five.” Rob, the guy from security who’s been left in charge of Pete, hands over a keycard and starts walking. “I’ll take you up.”
“I can find the way myself,” Pete says, and he can, he’s not stupid, but Rob shakes his head, pressing the button to call the elevator.
“Sorry, they told me to make sure you got to the room.”
It’s all that he says, and while Pete knows the reasons why he does need an escort, it’s still frustrating, especially now when all he wants is some privacy and to be with Alicia and Mikey. Or truthfully, get into bed with them and hide under his blankets until he feels better, but he can’t do that. When he’s rearranged his schedule so he can come visit Mikey, it makes no sense to hide, so Pete’s powered through. Holding on as best as he can through the relentless socializing and having to accept the fact that no matter how strong they are as a threesome, in terms of the world at large, only Alicia matters to Mikey.
It’s something Pete’s been picking at recently. Which is insane, because it’s not something that’s going to change. They’re not about to come out as poly, and Pete doesn’t even know if he’d want that, but what he does want is to matter, and the more he thinks and unravels past events, the worse Pete feels.
All he can think is he’s the third wheel, someone who’s not needed and easily discarded, and it’s not true, logically Pete knows that, but it’s an idea that clings on. With even the thought of losing Mikey and Alicia making Pete feel shaky, he knows he’s got to act, do something that’ll show them how much that they matter -- and that means one thing.
Decision made, Pete stands in the corner of the elevator, chewing on his thumb nail and ignoring Rob for the few minutes it takes to get to the right floor and then, room.
Once there, Pete fumbles with the keycard, missing the slot the first time as he manages a quick, ‘thanks’ to Rob, who stands watching until finally, Pete steps inside of the room.
“Pete.” The first thing Pete sees is Alicia, grinning wide when she looks up and sees Pete. Since the last time Pete saw her back at the venue she’s changed clothes, pulling on the old hoodie she likes to wear before bed and a pair of grey sweats. “Mikey’s getting showered, I told him he was banned from the bed if he didn’t.”
“Devious, I like it,” Pete says, trying for the usual level of casual even when, inside, he’s falling apart. “Bags the middle.”
“It’s yours,” Alicia says, and Pete would think he’s successfully hidden how he’s feeling, except Alicia’s still looking his way, her smile fading as she adds. “What’s wrong?”
Pete shakes his head, and tells himself to walk away from the door, that standing here is broadcasting that something really is wrong.
“Bullshit.” Alicia stands, and takes an aborted step forward. “Do you need some alone time, or some hugs? There’s plenty of blankets, we can make another fort?”
It’s a tempting idea, but as much as Pete wants to say yes, he knows it won’t help. Nauseous, it feels like Pete’s heart is about to burst out of his chest, and he tells himself this is Mikey and Alicia. Giving over this last part of himself is a good thing, that still holding onto such a thin line is stupid when Pete’s got two people who he knows loves him completely, and won’t deliberately hurt Pete ever.
“I just, I need.” Pete’s got no idea how to say what he needs, but what he does know is he needs to act now, before it’s too late. Courage gathered, Pete pushes himself off of the door and hurries forward, pulling open the door to the bathroom, sure that Alicia will follow. She does, and Pete stands in the small, steamy space and says, “I need to be fucked, now.”
These last few days it’s something Pete’s thought about often. That losing his virginity will be easiest with Mikey, Pete able to stay passive until finally, that last line is broken. Pete just needs to get to that point, and he toes off his sneakers, pulls back the shower curtain and steps into the tub.
His eyes widening, Mikey backs up as best as he can, and Pete would take a moment to admire how he looks at this moment, water in rivulet’s on Mikey’s body and hair slicked back, exposing the stark lines of his face -- but it’s taking Pete all his time just to remember to breathe.
His hands shaking, Pete tries to unfasten his belt, and fails, only stopping when Mikey grabs hold of Pete’s hand, holding it still and says, “Pete?”
“I need you to fuck me,” Pete says again, trying to push Mikey’s hand out of the way. “You have to. I need to show you how much I love you. Both of you.”
Mikey tightens his hold, says, “We already know. You don’t need to show us, especially like that.”
“Yes I do.” Pete stands still, uncomfortable in his sodden clothes and tries to keep hold of the last vestiges of control as he repeats, “I need to show you.”
“You already have, ages ago.” Pete blinks water from out of his eyes, looking away from Mikey to Alicia, who’s standing at the side of the tub, holding out a large towel. Wrapping it around Pete’s shoulders she says, “You don’t have to prove anything, especially with sex.”
“What if I want to?” Pete asks, trying for calm.
“Then we wait, and we talk, and we’ll take it from there,” Mikey says. Letting go of Pete’s hand he pulls him into a hug, clinging on and seemingly uncaring that he’s naked and hugging a still fully dressed Pete. “Not tonight, though.”
For the first time in days, Pete starts to relax, leaning heavily against Mikey. “I don’t want to talk tonight.”
Mikey kisses the top of Pete’s head, says, “You don’t have to, as long as you promise you will soon. If not with us, with someone.”
A pause, and Pete nods, stands frozen in place as Alicia touches his arm and says, “I’ll go get the blankets.”
“We’ll be out soon,” Mikey says, and holds on.
_______
Secure and warm between Mikey and Alicia, Pete wakes late, pleased they don’t have to check out until just after midday. It means Pete can get more sleep, or lie still, soaking in the feeling of being held so close, or what he should do, open his mouth and try to explain what went on the previous night.
Both Mikey and Alicia are awake, Pete can sense that, but neither are moving, seemingly content to just curl around Pete, their hands touching over his stomach. Which means it’s the perfect time to talk, when it’s quiet and calm, and while Pete’s mind isn’t scurrying and seeing things that aren’t true. First though, Pete needs to explain how he’s feeling, and that’s one of the scariest things he’s done in his life as he says, “About last night. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be,” Alicia says, and presses a kiss against Pete’s bare shoulder. “But if you want to talk, we’ll listen. If you don’t. That’s okay too, as long as you remember your promise.”
“I do,” Pete says, and more than anything he’s tempted to fall back on that promise and call his therapist at some later point. If he does that it means he can spend the morning in bed relaxing, but the problem is, Pete knows himself, and if he waits the doubts will push their way back, that’s just how it works. “But I think I need to talk now.”
“We’re listening.” His voice still sleep rough, Mikey leans in so he can kiss Pete’s cheek, then falls back, giving Pete the space that he needs.
“I don’t know where to start,” Pete admits, and more than anything he’s glad neither Mikey or Alicia are looking directly at him, meaning Pete can lie and look at the ceiling as he tries to sort out his thoughts. “You know about the virginity thing, what I’ve done and haven't.”
“Yeah,” Alicia says, and Pete remembers back to that first awkward conversation, when he explained about his lines and why they were there.
“I got scared. You two are out in public together and I’m not,” Pete says, taking a deep breath as he adds, “I feel like a spare wheel sometimes, one that’s going to be shoved to the side.”
Instantly, Mikey says, “That’s not true. We’d never do that, we love you.”
“If we could we’d tell the world,” Alicia says, and then, “All the people that matter know, they know that you’re ours.”
“I know that,” and Pete does. He knows that Alicia and Mikey love him, but he’s not an equal third in the relationship, there’s no way he can be. “But I want to go out in public with you both. to share pictures of us together that aren’t under layers of security. And I know that we can’t, so I decided to give you something that showed how much I love you back.”
“You know that doesn’t make sense,” Alicia says gently, being as careful as she is always when dealing with Pete’s issues. “We want that too, but if we can’t that doesn’t mean you have to prove something by having full sex. The two things don’t fit together.”
“They do if I’m making a gesture,” and sure, maybe the gesture was over the top and angsty in a way Pete will laugh about some time in the future, but not now. “Last night wasn’t the way to go about it, but I do want it. To have full sex with you both.”
“I don’t know, crashing my shower and demanding I fuck you got your point across well,” Mikey says, and then rolls toward Pete so their bodies are pressed together. “But you don’t have to do that, what we do anyway is super hot.”
“It is,” Alicia agrees, and then, “It’s your choice, we’re happy to go as we are.”
Pete thinks for a long time, and while the anxiety remains, he thinks that despite the insanity of the previous days and Pete reacting blindly and needing to prove a point, it really is time. He loves Mikey and Alicia, and more than that, he trusts them completely, enough that he can consider taking this last step and giving himself over completely, both physically and emotionally. “I want it.”
“Then you’ll get it,” Alicia says, and moves too, so Pete’s blanketed on both sides by people he loves. “But not now. We’re going to do it right.”
Relieved, but also a little disappointed that they can’t just get it over with already, Pete simply says, “I can wait.”
---o0o--
The problem with waiting is, it’s all Pete can think of.
It feels like he’s thirteen again with a permanent boner, but one that quickly deflates when Pete thinks too hard about what’s going to happen.
Pete’s excited, and nervous and turned on. He’s spent hours talking and researching online, reading countless stories about what’s going to happen.
Which isn’t needed. Pete may technically be a virgin, but he’s no innocent, hasn’t been for a long time. But that doesn’t stop the worries, or the late night phone calls to Patrick.
Or at least, what were the late night calls, it seems even Patrick has a limit, and a four am call about anal sex pushed past that.
Go figure.
---o0o--
It feels like it takes forever to drive from the airport to the hotel, and as soon as the town car pulls to a stop, Pete grabs his backpack and throws open the door, stumbling in his haste to get out. It's been too long since he’s seen Mikey and Alicia, Pete’s schedule and My Chem’s continuing tour keeping them apart. By this point Pete’s aching for physical closeness, phone calls and texts no substitute for being together.
Already, Pete’s got their room number, and, after paying the driver, he all but runs inside the hotel, and then stops, when Gerard appears.
Dressed in what Pete assumes, is supposed to be some kind of disguise, Gerard’s wearing what looks like one of Mikey’s old beanies, his eyes hidden behind huge sunglasses that conceal half of his face. Combined with his old, comfortable, hidden from the public, chill out clothes, he looks nothing like Gerard Way, frontman of My Chemical Romance. How he does look is serious, especially when he grabs hold of Pete’s arm and pulls him toward one of the sofas at the side of the lobby.
“Gerard, hi,” Pete says, hanging onto social niceties, even when all he wants to do is pull away from Gerard and go to see Mikey and Alicia. “You’re looking good.”
“I feel like shit,” Gerard says, sitting with a soft sigh. “This fucking tour, it’s brutal.”
Pete gets it, and can sympathize how Gerard is feeling, enough that he dampens down his desire to just get up and go, and says, “Tours, they always kill you bit by bit.”
Gerard rubs under his sunglasses, lifting them just enough Pete can see the shadows under his eyes “I feel like I haven’t slept in a month.”
“So you decided to hang in the lobby”? Pete can get that too, it’s something he’s done often himself, when sleep was elusive and he needed human interaction for distraction, even if was just the canned conversation of the staff behind a desk.
“What? No.” Gerard takes off his sunglasses, pushing them to the top of his head. “I was waiting for you.”
It’s not what Pete expected to hear, and he reminds himself he’s been texting with Mikey and Alicia only minutes before, and that both are just fine. Even so, Pete has to ask, “Is there something wrong? I was just texting but....”
“No. God no. They’re fine,” Gerard says, touching Pete’s arm as he adds, “I didn’t mean to freak you out. It’s just. Remember that summer? When I told you that I wasn’t going to punch you but you had to tell me if you were leaving.”
“I remember,” hell, there’s no way Pete’s ever going to forget. Even so, he has to point out, “You’ve got some kind of freaky elephant memory. That was forever ago.”
Gerard shrugs, still looking directly at Pete. “I remember stuff that affects Mikey, and that did.”
“Are you going to punch me now?” As unlikely as it seems, Pete still has to ask, even if it seems unfair that Gerard’s brought this up now, when Mikey seems perfectly happy with Alicia and Pete. “Because if you are, you need to get it over with, I’m already late.”
For a long moment, Gerard says nothing, just stares at Pete. “You’d let me punch you? Why?”
Pete bites back his initial reaction of a glib answer, sensing this is something Gerard really does want to know. “Because I hurt Mikey back then, I figure you’d hold a grudge.”
“I did for a while,” Gerard says, and then, “I’m not going to punch you. I wanted to say, welcome to the family.”
It’s a welcome that comes along with a hug, Pete’s face pressed against Gerard’s neck and barely able to breathe until Gerard lets go a little and Pete can ask, “Why now? I’ve been dating Mikey and Alicia for months.”
“I had to know you were serious.” A last squeeze, and Gerard lets go completely, his mouth curled up into a small smile as he says, “And that you make Mikey happy.”
Pete wants to say that he does always, but that would be a lie, when sometimes, as hard as he tries, keeping himself on an even keel is the best he can do. Still, Pete does try, and more than that, loves Mikey completely. “I love him. I love both of them.”
“I know.” Gerard stands and waits for Pete to do the same so he can hand him a keycard. “They’re waiting for you, and I’m going to go look for some coffee.” A wide grin, and Gerard starts to walk away, and then stops, looking back toward Pete. “If Mikey ever shows you some of my old comics, the resemblance to you of one of the zombie getting ripped to pieces by a pack of wolves in purely a coincidence.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Pete says, and can’t stop his own grin, now that, finally, Gerard’s on his side -- approval that Pete never needed, but wanted all of the same.
~~~~
Pete’s been inside of the hotel room for all of a second when he’s engulfed in a tight, double hug. Laughing, he manages to shut the door with his foot and then gives himself up to the feeling of having Mikey and Alicia so close.
“You were supposed to have been here ages ago,” Mikey says, snatching a kiss. “I was starting to think I’d need to come down and save you from Gerard.”
“Did you set him on me?” Pete asks lightly, even though, deep down he can’t help wondering if Mikey made Gerard say what he did.
Alicia laughs, curling her hand around Pete’s arm as she leads them all as a group, further into the room. “Last time Mikey was talking to Gerard they were discussing seduction. You’re lucky you didn’t walk into a scene that involved a bikini and chains.”
“That scene’s a classic,” Pete says, and then, Alicia’s words sink in completely. “They were talking about seduction?”
“We were going to seduce you, me and Alicia, not me and Gerard,” Mikey says casually as he sits on the side of the bed. “But everything seemed too forced. Like we were broadcasting, hey, we want to have sex with you now. But just so you know, I pushed for the rose petals and flowers.”
“And the bikini and chains,” Alicia puts in. Still standing, she rests her hands on Pete’s hips and says, “You look good.”
“I feel good,” and Pete does. It’s like lately everything in his life has been slotting back into place. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but Pete’s got his good friends and his band and now he’s got Mikey and Alicia too. Which includes one more thing. “You talked about seduction...”
“We did.” Mikey reaches out, and places his hand on Alicia’s, so they’re both touching Pete. “But first, are you sure you still want this?”
A few weeks ago Pete wouldn’t have been sure, but after countless nights thinking about exactly what he does want, and why, Pete’s sure of one thing. It’s time. “I’m sure, but I don’t know how. With you, or with Alicia, or both. But that feels like some porno scenario, the blushing virgin being debauched and going from being pure to three-way sex in seconds.”
Mikey holds up his free hand and counts on his fingers. “One. Anyone who sucks dick like you do can’t be labeled as pure. Two, what kind of pornos have you been watching? Three, no planning, it’s better that way. Four, sex is awesome, and it always has been awesome with you, whatever we did.”
“I agree,” Alicia says. “We’ll just wing it. Like we always do.”
That’s fine by Pete, who’s spent most of his life trusting his instincts and winging it. It’s how he’s arrived at this place, in a relationship that had the potential for disaster, but instead has flourished. It’s something Pete could never have expected, and even now he sometimes wonders how it actually happened, but all that matter is, somehow it did.
“Finished thinking?” Alicia asks, and Pete blinks, brought back into the moment, and the fact that he has Mikey and Alicia right there. “Because if you are, we can get on with the debauching.”
Pete would ask if he’s being laughed at, but he knows that he is, in a gentle way that makes him feel relaxed as he pulls off his hoodie and t-shirt, stretches out his arms to the side and says, “Do your worst.”
Instantly the atmosphere in the room changes, going from light-hearted to intense so fast Pete feels dizzy, his breath catching in his throat as both Mikey and Alicia unashamedly stare. It’s disconcerting in a way that Pete never expects, always used to being the focus of attention, but not like this, when Mikey and Alicia want Pete for himself, and not for his words, image or fame.
“You need to go kiss Mikey.” Alicia urges Pete toward the bed, and he goes easily, sitting at an angle so Alicia can get a good view. It’s something they’ve done often, Alicia calling the shots as she enjoys watching them together, but any plans to give a performance are swept away when Mikey moves in for a kiss.
At first it’s a kiss that’s gentle, but Pete’s been away too long to keep it that way. He’s missed Mikey, the sounds he makes as Pete deepens the kiss, the feel of his skin as Pete pushes his hand under Mikey’s t-shirt and holds on.
His eyes closed, Pete jumps when he feels someone touch his chest, but soon recognizes the feel of Alicia’s nails as she draws them down over his stomach, and then stops at Pete’s belt.
“Push up,” Alicia says, and Pete feels the buckle of his belt swing down as he pushes up, balancing on one hand as Alicia tugs at Pete’s pants, pulling them so they’re crumpled at his feet.
It’s a move that leaves Pete’s feet trapped, and he’s about to try and kick off his shoes when Alicia kneels on his pants, stopping Pete from moving. At first, Pete thinks it’s a mistake, and he’s about to break off the kiss to talk when he feels Alicia’s hands on his thighs, and Pete realizes exactly what she’s about to do.
Pete pulls back, enough he can say, “I can’t. If you do that I won’t last.”
“She knows what she’s doing,” Mikey says, nipping Pete’s lip with his teeth. “Just go with it remember?”
And Pete would remember, except all coherent thoughts are drawn from his head when he feels Alicia’s mouth on his dick. A teasing touch at first as she licks over the head, and then, without any warning, she swallows Pete down. It’s a move that’s guaranteed to drive Pete insane, gasping, he wants to thrust, fuck her face in the way that she loves, but between Mikey and Alicia, Pete’s unable to move, and all Pete can do is grasp the covers and take it.
“He’s had enough.”
Vaguely, Pete’s aware of Mikey speaking, and would protest Alicia pulling off already, except she’s kneeling up to kiss Mikey, and the thought of Mikey tasting Pete in her mouth is something Pete loves. The same way he loves watching, taking in how Alicia’s mouth is wet, a strand of dark hair clinging to her face, how Mikey clutches at her back, as if he needs to touch her always.
Pete adds those details to the ones he already carries, the memories he relies on when he’s alone again. They’re memories that make Pete feel happy, and also turned on even more, enough that, despite himself, he curls his fingers around his dick and starts to jerk off.
“Yeah, not tonight.” It’s Alicia who notices first, and she takes hold of Pete’s hand, stopping him moving. "It's our turn to make you feel good."
It's a plan Pete approves of, except for one thing. Right now he's so turned on it feels like he's on the verge of exploding. Every touch pushing him close to the edge, before he's abruptly pulled back once again. It's frustrating in the best kind of way and Pete would ask them to take mercy, but knows if he does there's every chance they'll go slower, and right now Pete's unsure if he'd survive that.
"I can't, please." Still, Pete has to say something, even if it does result in Alicia looking at Mikey, as if they're non-verbally discussing some plan.
"It's okay, we've got you," Mikey says softly. Gripping the hem of his t-shirt, he pulls it over his head and throws it off to one side, and then stands, pushing off his pants and underwear in one go. Instantly, Pete wants to touch, to map Mikey's skin with his hands and his mouth, but they're not playing fair, Pete's attention stolen by Alicia who's also stripping off, her clothes dropped on the floor.
Pete swallows, his heart speeding even faster as his focus draws in, until all that matters is the people in front of him. Pete wants to nuzzle Alicia's stomach, to bite along Mikey's collar bone, to have both of them so close it feels like they're one person. He wants so much that it's impossible to ask for, the words dried in Pete's throat
"I want to ride you," Alicia says, her simple statement hitting as hard as any touch.
All Pete can do is nod, blood thundering in his ears and any bad memories washed away by a moment that feels right, that Pete losing his virginity isn't Pete giving away part of himself, but taking on a part of someone else, someone Pete loves completely.
"Awesome," Mikey says, obviously liking the idea as he opens a drawer next to the bed and takes out a condom. "Lie back."
Pete does, awkwardly wiggling back so he's flat on the bed, his legs together as he looks along the length of his body toward Alicia, who right now looks so beautiful Pete can't look away. Her eyes sparkling and hair in a messy ponytail, Alicia's comfortable in her own skin, making no attempt to hide the curves of her body as she kneels on the bed.
"You're beautiful," Mikey says, and at first Pete thinks he means Alicia only, but when Pete finally looks, he sees Mikey is looking from Alicia to Pete, including them both in his comment. "I'm so fucking lucky."
Alicia knee walks up Pete's body, stopping just over his knees so she can reach out for Mikey, trailing her fingers over his arm. "We all are."
That Pete can agree with, and would verbalize that expect Mikey's knelt on the bed, and is leaning forward to put on the condom on Pete, but not before sneaking a taste, licking across the head of Pete's dick. Involuntary, Pete yelps, hips rising off the bed as Mikey grins, unrepentant as he carefully rolls on the condom. As sensations go it's one that Pete's had before, always using protection when getting a blowjob from strangers, but this is something else, the tight feeling enhanced by the knowledge of what's coming, and Pete knows he won't last.
"I'm going to come in seconds," Pete warns, but all Alicia does is smile as she kneels up.
"Doesn't matter." Alicia moves once again, positioning herself so her inner thighs are pressed against Pete's, the tip of his dick nestled just inside of her body. Breathing hard, Pete tells himself he can last more than a moment, that he's waited for so long for this that surely it has to take more than one thrust.
"Pete," Mikey says, and lies next to Pete. "Stop thinking, we've got all night and the rest of our lives. This first time means nothing."
"He's right," Alicia says, unmoving as she adds. "We love you and we've got all the time in the world."
Pete knows that they're right, except for one thing. This first time means everything, and he would say that, except, in a double hit that has to be deliberate, Alicia sinks down, Pete's dick deep inside of her, warm and squeezed tight as Mikey says, "And next time, you get to fuck me."
"Bastards," Pete grits out, desperately hanging on as Alicia pulls back, her hips moving as she thrusts, the sensation overwhelming as Pete gives in, letting himself fall over the edge, breathing in panted gasps as Alicia keeps moving, guiding Mikey's hand so he can finger her at the same time. And it's this moment, when they're all connected so intimately, Alicia's head back as she rocks against Mikey and Pete, and then moans, tightening even further around Pete, that he knows that he's done the right thing.
Not because of the sex, which yeah, is fantastic, but the fact that finally, Pete's found the people who love him unconditionally and want him around always.
That finally, Pete's found his home.
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This is sweet and sad and perfect and gorgeous and THEM and you are GREAT, and I want to roll around in this FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
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The deliberate way he put Alicia into Mikey's path, the way Gerard knew, Pete's history of being too scared, too fucked up to put himself out there, to let himself go and just be with someone, the seekrit show at the Knitting Factory, Mikey's slow recovery after the Paramour and all the beautiful details that infuse this story and make it sublime and luminous in all the best ways.
Thank you so much for crafting such a nuanced portrait of Pete and Mikey and Alicia.
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